I’ve got a lot of reading to do as part of a one year post-graduate diploma I’m doing. The cramp in my hand from scrolling down PDFs and Word documents led me to think it might be time to invest in a tablet of some sort and I eventually plumped for a 2017 Ipad.

I’ve had it less than a week but already, I am coming to hate the thing. The single purpose I bought it for, reading documents, is fine as a task in complete isolation from everything else. But the actions associated with this purpose that I took entirely for granted, such as saving/arranging files in a simple folder structure and opening and editing them easily and without a fuss, whilst not online, are not.

I specifically, and naively as it turns out, bought the 128gb version since I have a poor internet connection at home and if I do all the downloading of lectures and reading while on campus, it saves me a lot of frustration. I had been saving them to my 9 year old Windows 7 laptop, with ease, and working at home later. But the Ipad presumes I want everything saved into a cloud that I can access at will, when that just doesn’t work for me (I turned off Icloud straight away). I can’t even drag and drop the stuff I’ve already put on my laptop (that is, journal articles and powerpoints, nothing else).

I am now struggling to understand the point of having different, or at least large sizes of hard drive on these machines. What are they for? What (genuine question) is the reason someone would choose a larger hard-drive for an Ipad? Filling with Apps, maybe? Which brings me to my next complainy-complaint of this complaint-a-thon.

When I buy a laptop, I know it’s going to come pre-loaded with probably everything I need, within reason. All the same, I might I decide I’d rather use some other internet browser, and it’s a matter of going online, finding it, and installing. I don’t have to enter an ID. I don’t have to pay. I don’t even, for the most part, have to view ads, all I have to contend with is my shite broadband. Now I realise that people have put time and effort into coding apps and they deserve reimbursement. But I don’t understand why what seems like the bare minimum (to me) of a home computer system that many tell you can replace your laptop completely (really?), is not already in place on the a device that retails for £429. [Or, is it already there and I’m missing it somehow?]

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The fact that I had to provide my name, address and phone number (for an Apple ID) AND a payment method just to load Google Chrome on my brand new expensive doofer, was a nasty surprise. I’ve since realised I could have used a convoluted method to avoid inserting the payment details (for a free App), and I’ve now removed them, but I still feel aggrieved at the exchange of information. I’m not a complete luddite, but nor am I someone who uses Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or LinkdIn and is used to giving away information willy-nilly. I’m neither a spy, nor a criminal, but I’m just asking here why Mr Apple needs my credentials if Mr Microsoft doesn’t. And presumably the answer is money, because that’s ultimately what he wants and his Ipad does in some ways seem like a glorified shop.

For those of you accustomed to Iphones, I may sound like an old man yelling at clouds. But despite being computer literate, I’ve never owned a smartphone of any kind, I’ve never used an Apple device and I don’t know how I’d get used to this idea of everything being conducted through the interface of a damned ‘store’. Why is this thing I’ve already bought, constantly soliciting me?

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Now, you might think, if I’d only spend £0.99, I could buy a nice file management system that will hold PDfs, Word docs and Powerpoint files side-by-side, is easily customisable so I can arrange by lecture theme, and will allow easy off-line viewing and editing of these documents at a click’s notice. But, again, why the hell do I need to pay more money, even a penny, when I’ve already shelled out a premium for the device? Did I buy just a shell with a shopfront?

Apple lovers: feel free to tell me why I’m wrong or why I’m too stupid for an Ipad. Or how I can actually improve the experience (that would actually help, since I’m stuck with the thing, for now).

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Android lovers: I should have gone for one of those, right?

Anyone else: I sound like a moaning old bastard, and you’d hate to spend a miute in my company. Right?